Joe Dolce: Two Poems

Da Vinci Was a Bastard

[Do not] make figures too gnarled with muscles, lest they resemble a sack of walnuts.

—Leonardo da Vinci, on Michelangelo

A hardly-mentioned talent:

improvisation on the silver lyre—

his playing surpassing

many of the court professionals

of the Duke of Milan.

Six musicians entertained

Mona Lisa Gherardini while

he painted. (Some say

her one-sided smile was a result of bruxism,

the habit of grinding one’s teeth

from stress; others say

her face was his own.)

Left-handed, a vegetarian, illegitimate,

very strong (with his bare hands,

he could unbend a horseshoe).

He actively searched for bodily-

deformed people to paint,

leading to his reputation

as the father of caricature.

While, temporarily, in remand,

and charged with sodomy,

he sketched a device

for opening cell doors

from the inside.

Joe Dolce

Gruß vom Krampus

Then let us go and be terrible.

He’s making his list,

and you’re on it twice,

punishes children,

naughty and nice.

Krampus is coming to town.

He’s horned and heathen,

a long pointed tongue,

with burnt-out candles,

his wagon is strung.

Krampus is coming to town.

Washtub on his back,

a beard full of bats,

he carries in his claws,

a birch to swat brats.

Krampus is coming to town.

With sacks full of coal,

a clanging of bells,

he empties his bags,

to haul kids to Hell.

Krampus is coming to town.

He’ll steal the Julbocken,

the Childermas goat,

come disguised as candy,

until it’s stuck in your throat.

Krampus, the Christmas devil, is coming to town.

Joe Dolce