Joe Dolce: Two Poems
Da Vinci Was a Bastard
[Do not] make figures too gnarled with muscles, lest they resemble a sack of walnuts.
—Leonardo da Vinci, on Michelangelo
A hardly-mentioned talent:
improvisation on the silver lyre—
his playing surpassing
many of the court professionals
of the Duke of Milan.
Six musicians entertained
Mona Lisa Gherardini while
he painted. (Some say
her one-sided smile was a result of bruxism,
the habit of grinding one’s teeth
from stress; others say
her face was his own.)
Left-handed, a vegetarian, illegitimate,
very strong (with his bare hands,
he could unbend a horseshoe).
He actively searched for bodily-
deformed people to paint,
leading to his reputation
as the father of caricature.
While, temporarily, in remand,
and charged with sodomy,
he sketched a device
for opening cell doors
from the inside.
Joe Dolce
Gruß vom Krampus
Then let us go and be terrible.
He’s making his list,
and you’re on it twice,
punishes children,
naughty and nice.
Krampus is coming to town.
He’s horned and heathen,
a long pointed tongue,
with burnt-out candles,
his wagon is strung.
Krampus is coming to town.
Washtub on his back,
a beard full of bats,
he carries in his claws,
a birch to swat brats.
Krampus is coming to town.
With sacks full of coal,
a clanging of bells,
he empties his bags,
to haul kids to Hell.
Krampus is coming to town.
He’ll steal the Julbocken,
the Childermas goat,
come disguised as candy,
until it’s stuck in your throat.
Krampus, the Christmas devil, is coming to town.
Joe Dolce
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