When Bureaucrats Actually Read Their Mail

My paternal grandfather, Vincent O’Brien, was an accountant.  He was also, probably co-incidentally, a very quiet, dour man.  He was kindly enough, but not the sort of grandfather you would jump all over as my grandkids had no hesitation in doing. I don’t think I ever heard him tell a joke, or, in fact, say anything much at all.

You can imagine my surprise when I recently became aware, courtesy of my cousin Paul, of the letter below, addressed to Mr J.A, Farquar, Commissioner of the South Australian Railways:

Dear Sir,
nearly every morning somewhere between 5:30am and 6:00am an engine arrives in the vicinity of Woodville and Holden railway stations, puffs and pants with great gusto to it’s evident delight, and possibly that of its driver. On arrival it appears to be suffering from extreme internal bloatedness and promptly proceeds to ease itself by forceful, ear-splitting discharges at the rate of about 3 per second, interspersed with an occasional screech of satisfaction which I feel sure you would hear in your city office should you happen to be there about 6:00am.

Could something please be done to reduce this exuberance and induce it to take its pleasure in a quieter and more peaceful way or alternatively make it suffer for an extra hour or two and commence its performance around 7:30am  when it may be in such a state it would surpass all previous performances, but I doubt its ability to do so.

 If you can do anything to improve matters you will earn the appreciation and kindly thoughts of all in the vicinity.

Yours Faithfully
V.F. O’Brien

Answer came there this:

Dear Sir,
following receipt of your letter of 9th of March 1962 I had an investigation made into your complaint and our inspectors were in the locality between the hours of 5:00am and 6:45am on two occasions to observe the conditions. These officers reported that although engine code whistles and engine noises could be heard there were no unavoidable noises associated with the shunting operations at Woodville.

However it must be realised that it is not possible to carry out train working operations particularly shunting movements without some noise.

 Yours faithfully
J.F. Farquhar
Railway Commissioner

The lesson from this?  Bureaucrats then were no less adept than their modern counterparts at giving you the brush-off, but at least the person to whom you addressed your complaint actually took the trouble to reply.

Contrast that with my recent experience with the ABC.  My letter, addressed personally to Chairman Kim Williams, was responded to by Head of Communications Nick Leys, whose response suggested functionaries made damn sure my letter never came within a bull’s roar of its intended recipient.