Whoso Curseth

May your mohel have a touch of the palsy. (traditional Jewish) *

Die, may he: Tiger, catch him; Snake bite him; Steep hill, fall down on him; River, flow over him; Wild boar, bite him. (traditional curse of the Todas of South India)

He should have a large store, and whatever people ask for he shouldn’t have, and what he does have shouldn’t be requested. (contemporary Jewish)

Cursed be your mother’s anus. Cursed be your father’s testicles. (traditional Yoruba verbal duelling curse)

May the village matchmaker pair you up with Mel Gibson’s distant relative! (contemporary Jewish)

For not letting your parents arrange your marriage, may your babies resemble sloths. (traditional Jewish)

May you grow a long beard and book a vacation in Syria.  (traditional Jewish)

May you dig up your father by moonlight and make soup of his bones. (traditional Fiji Islands)

May you wander over the face of the earth forever, never sleep twice in the same bed, never drink water twice from the same well, and never cross the same river twice in a year. (traditional Gypsy)  

May your left ear wither and fall into your right pocket. (traditional Arab)

May the worst day of your past be the best day of your future. (traditional Chinese)

Let what I wish on him come true (most, even half, even just 10 per cent).  (traditional Jewish)

He should get so sick as to cough up his mother’s milk.  (traditional Jewish)

His luck should be as bright as a new moon.  (traditional Jewish)

He should have Pharaoh’s plagues sprinkled with Job’s scabies.  (traditional Jewish)

NB: a mohel is a Jewish person trained in the practice of Brit milah (circumcision).

Joe Dolce