Peter Jeffrey: ‘Indoor Pool’ and ‘Style Notes #5’

Indoor Pool

Like streamlined Esther Williams
Slipped into aquamarine,
Or spurious turquoise water
In Million Dollar Mermaid
Or Metro’s Neptune’s Daughter,
You slip into the oiled-silk sapphire
And chlorine.

Hockney loops of brightness
Moving on the blue-tiled bowl,
Put you in mind of Moses Herzog
Musing on his soul,
And nets of gold reflections
Webbing the sandy bottom,
From the ferry at Woods Hole.

Peter Jeffrey

Style Notes #5

Just trying to identify some things that look like crap,
Like sunglasses pushed onto your hair; the backwards baseball cap.
And please don’t hang your glasses from a chain,
You’ll come off like the vicar or a quaint Dickensian gent,
Or, even worse, your maiden auntie Jane.
What shoes to wear and when can also be a minefield,
Like, do you really want to be another Seinfield?
I meant Seinfeld. Sneakers might have been all right for him,
But you should play it safe and only wear them to the gym.
And for Pete’s sake, gentlemen, go easy with the bling,
For example, with a wedding band, at most one signet ring,
Any more will make you look like Liberace
Or an even bigger clown than Pagliacci.
Don’t ever match your necktie with your pocket square;
I shouldn’t need to mention that you never dye your hair.
Cary Grant, James Coburn and James Stewart didn’t do it;
You won’t look young, you’ll just look naff, and surely come to rue it.
You only have to follow these few simple rules of thumb
To look a million dollars rather than a hapless bum.
We’re not aiming at Beau Brummell, far less a two-bob lair,
But at Robert Redford’s Gatsby with a dash of Fred Astaire.

Peter Jeffrey