Hal GP Colebatch: Eric Hobsbawm

Eric Hobsbawm, a tribute

British intellectual and Stalinist. Approved Hitler–Stalin pact of 1939 which led to Second World War, Soviet annexation of Eastern Poland and the Baltic States and Soviet assault on Finland. “Fiercely” defended a Soviet-sponsored post-war campaign for the persecution and sacking of anti-communist Polish academics at British universities, and the Soviet crushing of the 1956 Hungarian uprising. In 1993 told a group of Hungarian students that for Eastern Europe the Stalinist era was “probably the best period in their history”. Appointed Companion of Honour by the British Labour government.

 

Hell’s got a new guest today,

Eric Hobsbawm’s come to stay.

 

Stalin is really overcome

With someone new to lick his bum.

 

Satan is angry: “What’s that smell?

Some things are just too foul for Hell!

 

“Hobsbawm, of course! I might have guessed.

Well, he’ll get no eternal rest!

 

“Build up the fire! Show him the worth

Of everything he did on Earth.”

 

Hitler is jealous. It’s some time

Since he recruited human slime.

 

“Never mind, Fuehrer,” Eichmann says,

“Anti-Semites are back these days.

 

“If things go as expected we

Will soon have some of them to tea.”

 

“Well, brand them ours. Make sure you do,

Or Stalin’s going to claim them too!”

 

Says Goebbels: “That’s difficult, I vow.

The Left are anti-Semites now.”

 

Hitler flicks off a glowing ember:

“We’re National Socialists, remember.

 

“Thatcher, Reagan and Church-bloody-hill—

Those are our opposites, you dill!”

 

“We’re of the Left, and so I may

Claim leftists as my lawful prey.”

 

“If half of what I’ve heard is true

I’ll claim a share of Hobsbawm too.

 

“And, after all, it’s hardly news

That Leftists persecuted Jews.

 

“Still do, indeed, from what they say.

We’ll have them at the end of day.”

 

Stalin, livid now with rage

Rattles at his red-hot cage.

 

“He did my work! Say what you will!

The creature is my plaything still!”

 

“Tut, tut!!” says Satan, now more calm,

“’Tis futile to weigh up his harm.

 

“Divide him up! He served you both.

He was evil’s lackey, nothing loath

 

“You both served me, and so did he.

Now his reward’s for all to see.

 

“To serve my causes was his style,

He only asked that they be vile.”

 

Still Hitler whines, “It’s very cruel

Why can’t I have a new Court Fool?”

 

“Come, come!” says Satan from the fire

“We can’t all have our heart’s desire.

 

“That’s an unedifying remark.

Divide him up, like Manning Clark.

 

“I remember getting quite a laugh

Watching who got his lower half.

 

“Rancid historians are cheap.

Let each take half the squalid creep.”

 

But Hitler has still an angry frown,

He calls on Hoess to hose him down.

 

“He was rewarded by the powers,

For a doctrine very much like ours!”

 

Satan consoles him. “Never fear,

You’ll all get perfect justice here!

 

“And though he didn’t start world wars,

His soul was just as foul as yours.”

 

Hal G.P. Colebatch