English History

Nelson, Gladstone, Moriarty,

Doctor Johnson, Doctor Fell,

Perkin Warbeck, Polly Perkins,

Ellis, Acton, Currer Bell,

Baron Hardup, Rudyard Kipling,

Two Pretenders, Old and Young,

Doctor Grace and Doctor Watson,

Doctor Crippen who got hung,

Mrs Siddons, Mrs Gaskell,

Mr Punch and Mrs Mopp,

William Shakeshaft, William Wordsmith,

Gruff King Charles who got the chop,

Wystan Churchman, Long John Silver,

Queen Boudicca, Deaf Queen Anne,

Trevor Roper, Jack the Ripper,

Peter Wimsey, Peter Pan,

Benjamin Disraeli, Falstaff,

Captain Wentworth, Captain Cook,

General Wolfe and Captain Pugwash,

Colonel Bogey, Captain Hook,

Oscar Cromwell, Dylan Thomas

(He was Welsh but never mind),

William, Ginger, Douglas, Henry,

Francis Drake, the Golden Hind,

Silver Billy, Woodbine Willy,

Samuel Weller, Samson Brass,

Bloody Bess and Typhoid Mary,

Bottom, Whipstitch-Kiss-my-Arse,

Dickens, Hobson, Jobson, Jorkins,

Parkin, Larkin, Aphra Behn,

Queen Matilda, Bob the Builder,

Robin and his Merry Men,

Rupert Bear, the Lord Protector,

Peter Rabbit, Jeeves and Beach,

Henry Higgins, Charlie Chaplin,

Archie Andrews, Archie Leach,

Honest John and Samuel Wesley,

Steeple Bumpleigh, Dingley Dell,

Thomas Telford, Nigel Gresley,

Isambard Kingdom Brunel,

Edmund Ironshaft, King Sleyamis,

Mrs Pinkpurse, Bingo Stark,

Stiffy Cripes and Stanley Baldbum,

Florence Nightgown, Bletchley Park,

Georgie Formby, Georgie Porgie,

Jammy Dodger, Monty James,

English history’s a mystery—

Such a lot of lovely names.