Consistent to the final drop

In her farewell speech, outgoing former Prime Minister Julia Gillard said that she was proud to have been elected Prime Minister three years ago. 

  • Hang on – Julia Gillard wasn’t elected Prime Minister three years ago. She rolled sitting and duly elected Prime Minister Kevin Rudd with the help of Bill Shorten. Then she went to the polls and got a near-pasting, and only held on to government by stitching up deals with some very dodgy independents. Those dodgy independents are now heading for the hills in anticipation of an electoral bloodbath in revenge for this treachery.

Gillard then noted her government’s achievements, like the carbon tax.

Gillard also noted another government achievement, the NDIS.

  • Hang on – this is the uncosted, blue-sky scheme pushed through in badly-drafted and hurried legislation, which, even if it is rolled out, won’t be fully operational until 2019. So far, the NDIS has done nothing for any actual disabled people.

Gillard then said that she was proud of the Gonski reforms. 

  • Hang on – these so-called ‘reforms’, which are nothing more than throwing lots of money into a black hole with no guarantee that anything will change, haven’t been accepted by the States yet. In fact, outgoing Minister Peter Garrett has recently been banned from appearing in Queensland schools. 

Gillard is also proud of the Royal Commission into the sexual abuse of minors, as another major achievement of her government. 

  • Hang on – the Royal Commission is still hearing evidence and hasn’t actually done anything either. It’s not even drafted any recommendations.

Julia Gillard is confident that she has strengthened our relations with our international partners – without naming any of them. 

  • Hang on – didn’t Bob Carr almost cause a war with Papua New Guinea? Didn’t Bob Carr also undermine her policy on Israel? 

She’s also proud of our defence personnel. 

  • Hang on – aren’t they the ones that everyone went nuts over last week because of yet another sex and booze and misogyny row? 

Julia Gillard thanked her colleagues for their support. 

  • Hang on – aren’t these the colleagues that just dumped her as Prime Minister?

Finally, Julia Gillard notes that no one actually knew she was a woman before she raised this issue.

  • I think we have finally hit the one and only note of truth in this speech. Gillard has admitted at last that she was initially ‘bemused’ by media speculation about how her gender would impact upon her Prime Ministership. Yet she was very quick to try turning this to her advantage by playing the misogyny card – a card which has contributed to her undoing.

The official narrative, of course, will be that this courageous, honest and tough, first woman Prime Minister was rolled by a pack of scheming poll-stricken misogynists, who could see a nasty election coming up and wanted to optimise their chances of winning it.

This is partly true. And it’s also exactly how she got the job in the first place.

Philippa Martyr blogs at Transverse City. She eagerly anticipates Kevin Rudd’s glorious tour of the nation’s capitals, accompanied by his own busloads of specially chosen fans.

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