Islamists ain’t Islamic?

child brideIf you look you will find that numbers of Conservative MPs in England hide their school. This is pure speculation on my part, but I imagine that they’ve either gone to a posh public school and want to hide that from the common folk; or they’ve gone to a local comprehensive and want to hide that from their colleagues and sundry VIPs.

Who cares, I suppose? But I was looking up Conservative MP Michael Tomlinson. He’d asked a particularly stupid question of Theresa May and I wondered, naturally, whether he’d been educated at Eton.

I have the view that public schoolboys have been largely responsible for selling England’s (Britain’s if you really insist) cultural heritage down the river to satisfy their moral vanity. I could be wrong about that. I might have a chip on my shoulder, having been dragged up in a working-class school for budding deplorables in the North West of England.

But never mind, that’s my view, and I am sticking to it. If climate alarmists can stick to their tenuous view, why can’t I?

Apropos the Westminster act of terror, Mr Tomlinson asked this question of Mrs May in the UK Parliament:

“It is reported that what happened yesterday was an act of Islamic terror. Will the Prime Minister agree with me that what happened was not Islamic, just as the murder of Airey Neave* was not Christian, and that in fact both are perversions of religion?”

I don’t want to dwell on Tomlinson or his penchant for the non sequitur. But to state the bleeding obvious, killing for Allah is religious alright. Killing for a united Ireland has nothing to do with wanting the universal imposition of papal law.

The illogicality of Tomlinson’s question is one of the reasons I thought that he might be an old Etonian But wherever he was educated, he is quite clearly a fool. But enough of him, what about Mrs May?

In part she answered this way:

“I absolutely agree, and it is wrong to describe this as Islamic terrorism. It is Islamist terrorism; it is a perversion of a great faith.”

It has been convenient to hide behind the terms Islamism and Islamists as distinct from Islam. Islamism is all the perverted bits. Islam is the “great” faith. And that’s it. No further analysis is undertaken. It is tautological. If anything bad happens it is done by Islamists. Only the good can be ascribed to Islam.

The problem is that there is only one Koran; one set of canonical scripture. There is no separate ‘perverted’ Islamist scripture. It all comes out of the same books. Of those same books, I don’t want to quote again the stuff that anyone with half a brain is now familiar with. Killing, enslaving, and subjugating non-believers, wife beating, apostate killing, under-age marrying; it’s all there in black and white.

OK then, it is clear to me now. Islamists are faithful to the whole kit and caboodle of Islamic scripture, whereas the good Muslims pick and choose. They, the latter group, follow an expurgated version of their scripture. All we need now is for them to identify which parts they embrace and which parts they disavow.

To help out, it would be sensible for Prime Minister May to commission someone of stature, with a public school background of course, Tomlinson perhaps, to head up an Islamic Inquiry. Its purpose would be to identify, on behalf of us non-believers, the makeup of the expurgated version of Islamic scripture. It would determine those parts of the full version deleted, scrapped, expunged, erased, effaced, cancelled, obliterated, crossed out, scratched out, wiped out, rubbed out, or otherwise edited out.

Good imams in the UK could be called together to ratify the expurgated version, as a prelude to its worldwide adoption by the whole world’s good Islamic clerical leaders. The redacted parts could be collected together as an Islamic version of the Grand Grimoire. Then we would know what perverted Islam looked like. And, to boot, readily identify Islamists whenever and wherever they were found secretly poring over their benighted and perverted scripture.

Would the expurgated faith stay “great”? Or, stripped of its malign, lose its shine? Leave it to our politicians to decide, there doth theological expertise reside. What’s clear beyond all argumentation is Mohammad’s inevitable defenestration.

Perforce Mohammachild brided would be reduced to having a bit part. You simply can’t have the star of the show countenancing people being killed for insulting him or marrying a six-year old, even if he did resist temptation until she was nine. It’s just not a good look for a non-perverted religion.

* Neave, a Conservative MP, was killed in 1979 by a car bomb planted in the carpark of the House of Commons by the Irish National Liberation Army.

19 thoughts on “Islamists ain’t Islamic?

  • pgang says:

    This is exactly what the highly over-rated Hirsi Ali seems to want. A revised koran.

  • bemartin39@bigpond.com says:

    A very interesting take on the subject Peter, well formulated. I’d venture to offer an alternate explanation for the apparent inconsistency among the various degrees of Muslim “religiousness”. Not unlike in the case of Christians, and probably most other faiths as well, most of the professed followers are woefully ignorant of the scriptures on which their religion is based. How much does the average christian, of whichever denomination, know about the Bible? Precious little, I would think. That would almost certainly apply to Muslims equally as well, if not more so. After all, the Koran is a hellishly (no pun Intended) confusing collection of disjointed, inconsistent, contradictory pieces of text, interpreted in a variety of ways by “Islamic scholars” and Muslims purportedly following different interpretations are regularly murdering each other. The vast majority of Muslims are content to simply follow the Koranic instructions governing their day to day lives – such as which hand to use when eating, performing ablution, attending to bodily functions; wear appropriate attire, eat only halal food, pray 5 times a day (most/some days, anyway) – and do not concern themselves with theological or political matters. However, when the chips are down and they have to choose between Islam and non-islam, most of them will opt for Islam. Not necessarily out of conviction, either, but because of being terrified of the after-life consequences of the opposite. They are, almost every one of them, loyal, unquestioning foot soldiers of Islamism – sleeper cells, if you like – until activated by circumstances.

    • pgang says:

      Allah is very fickle and Muslim men dont know whether or not they will recieve his eternal favour. For women, well… who cares.
      So they tend to be fatalistic about it. Allah will, Allah won’t. But when a respected leader tells them he can guarantee Allah’s favour if they do what he says, it makes some of them very willing to strap on an explosive overcoat.

      • exuberan says:

        Suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins
        they are entitled to in the afterlife.
         Emergency talks with Al Quaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.
         The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Quaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive
        after his death would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54.
         A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of
        virgins in the afterlife.
         The suicide bombers’ union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs ( B.O.O.M.) responded
        with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary
        Abdullah Amir told the press,
         “Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don’t ask for much in
        return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth”.
         Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Quaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained,
         “I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Quaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands.
        They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western
        depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It’s a straight choice
        between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don’t like cutting benefits but I’d hate to have to
        tell 3,000 of my staff that they won’t be able to blow themselves up.”
         Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent
        stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.
         According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the
        emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle.
         Many Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.

    • PT says:

      Bill, the average US Baptist, for example, probably knows the bible quite well.

  • Keith Kennelly says:

    Islam is a bomb with 1.6 billion fuses.

  • Geoffrey Luck says:

    Bill/Keith: Correct. Why I keep saying there’s no such thing as a moderate Muslem. They are either ignorant, apathetic or just busy. But just look at Jakarta and Melbourne to see how they can be brought to life as islamists when need be.

  • Tony Tea says:

    Labor MPs in Australia try to hide which Private School they went to.

  • ian.macdougall says:

    OK then, it is clear to me now. Islamists are faithful to the whole kit and caboodle of Islamic scripture, whereas the good Muslims pick and choose.

    ‘Twas ever thus, and with every religion.’
    Christians have been outstanding in chucking the hard & tricky bits into the too-hard bin. Vide the Sermon on the Mount.

    • Jody says:

      It’s just that they don’t currently kill or maim apostates. Apart from that minor detail, I expect you’re right.

      I watched some classic Dave Allen comedy today and it all ridiculed the catholic church brilliantly. Now, transposing that to the religion of Islam…

  • Homer Sapien says:

    Well roared, Lion. Maybe the koran could do with a “smoking ceremony?”

  • gardner.peter.d says:

    Good stuff, Peter Smith. I have often suggested an authorised, and expurgated, version of the Koran in English and I usually go further. We seem to have forgotten the role played by the adoption of English in the secularisation of English governance. We should do the same for Islam, throughout the English speaking world. Statutory law should mandate the conduct of Islamic religious services, prayer meetings, study groups, education, training and any other activity of a religious kind, in English.

    Differences between Christian and Islamic teaching essentially come down to Islam instructing its followers to commit acts Christians regard as sinful, illegal, immoral or simply repugnant, whereas Christianity teaches the opposite. One of the most bizarre spectacles is the weird ecumenical tendency to invite Imams to take part in a Christian service. What are they smoking?

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