Doomed Planet

I’m Dreaming of a Green Christmas

GREEN CHRISTMAST’is the silly season. Time to celebrate larrikins-a-leaping, maids-a-milking, hounds-a-hunting, geese-a-gabbling, politicians-a-posturing, progressives-a-plotting and some climate conundrums in song. (Tune: Twelve Days of Christmas).

On the first day of Christmas,
Catholic Online sent to me
More climate fare from the Holy Chair,
And a post-truth  partridge in a pear tree.


On the second day of eco-worrying,
Satan sent to me
A Polar Vortex to perplex,
And a Trump-et in a populist tree.


On the third day of extreme-weather,
An angel sent to me
A message from Jehovah, another super-Nova,
And a Paltridge in a pear tree.


On the fourth day of weird-weather,
Project Stardust sent to me
Something from a gutter that made me splutter
But no alarmist from the IPCC. 


On the fifth day of Christmas,
America’s Geophysical Union sent to me
Feelings of anger, panic and fear;
Free of charge, without a fee.


On the sixth day of Christmas,
Tony sent to me
An Orwellian climate moment.
You don’t believe it? Click here and see.

On the seventh day of extreme weather,
Cool La Nina sent to me
News that El Niño’s fading fast.
The scare just couldn’t last, said she.


On the eighth day of eco-worrying,
Scott and Shackleton sent a message to me:
Little change in sea ice in a century, that’s nice;
And fifty penguins in a pear tree.


On the ninth day of Goldilocks weather,
Someone on the Hill sent a card to me:
Wow! Energy security’s the buzz-word now;
And one hundred politicians in a baobab tree.


On the tenth day of unsustainable power,
The Market Energy Operator sent a report to me:
Relax, it said, the generational mix is fine;
And one thousand windmills in a pro bono publico tree.


On the eleventh day of Christmas,
Two RMIT fellows sent a recipe to me:
Eat the roo, not the moo,
And ten thousand turkeys in a peer tree.


On the twelfth day of Christmas,
A prophecy came to me:
Curses! The alarmist circus is,
Perhaps, running out of time.

  We’ll see.


Sound the TRUMP-ET!

— Michael Kile
18 December 2016

11 thoughts on “I’m Dreaming of a Green Christmas

  • says:

    Seems rather frivolous until considering the work of gathering all those hyperlinks. Well done.

  • lloveday says:

    This is from Humor, Reader’s Digest, June 1955:
    Two cavemen were huddled close to their fire. Outside it was raining and sheeting, thundering and lightning. One of the prehistoric guys turned to the other “You know”, he grumbled, “we never had this kind of crazy weather before they started using bows and arrows”.

  • says:

    Blaming witches for meteorological mayhem has been popular too.

    According to BBC Science in Action last week, “in the midst of the Little Ice Age, winter temperatures plummeted even lower in the extraordinary decade of 1430-1440. Rivers, lakes and coastlines froze over year after year. Seeds perished, flocks dwindled, famine ensued, and soon minorities and witches were being blamed for the miserable conditions.”

    Historian Chantal Camenisch and Kathrin Keller of Bern University look into what may have been the worst decade in European weather in almost a millennium here:

  • Warty says:

    With regards to the ‘prophesy came to me’ link, I wonder how long Trump’s policies will filter down to the rest of us, after he’s elected?

  • Jody says:

    The temperature forecasts for SA prior to and at Christmas will probably see the death of people because the electricity grid will fail to keep pace with air-conditioning needs. I hope I’m wrong!!!

    • ianl says:

      The relatively smaller power loss in SA during July last had the windmill contribution to demand at 6% – that is, 94% of demand was being met from the LaTrobe generators through the Heywood interconnector.

      The major power loss in September was an absolute catastrophe of course. The AEMO has changed its’ mind 4 times now through the various “preliminary” reports on the causes of this failure and the damage done by failing wind “farms” – this failure actually occurred prior to the towers falling over. No confidence there.

      High demand for air con, low wind or none and the interconnector trips through load demand higher than design specification. It is hard to see the intelligence in that design, isn’t it ?

      • ian.macdougall says:


        Sticking with coal is not exactly ‘intelligent’ either: because it will steadily run out over the next 200 or so years. THEN it will have to be the much more uncertain, dangerous and expensive nuclear option, or renewables. So will brainless policy like selling off the Galilee Basin coal to Adani for a pittance today be seen for what it is?
        Increasing numbers it seems, are questioning it.

        • Warty says:

          Personally, I’d vote for Soviet era nuclear power stations, to be set up in inner city Sydney and Melbourne, with nuclear waste to be stored in some well-chosen back yards. How about sucking on a nuclear rod or two instead of marijuana? Wouldn’t that give one a buzz?
          O, for goodness sake, be serious man.

          • Jody says:

            When the deaths start happening the political momentum of the greenies will be thrown into peril. And not before time.

            I headr on the news (radio) that the Indians are scaling down the building of their coal-fired power stations. They’re looking at “renewables” and clean, green technology. Meanwhile, their children sift through rubbish dumps in search of anything saleable and they burn dung to cook their food. Who said the elites weren’t in charge any more???

            There’s the ever-so-slight tinge of “let ’em eat cake” about all this.

          • ian.macdougall says:

            And that post of yours was serious?
            More of whatever you appear to have been drinking would be in order right now. Might as well be hung for a sheep…
            Have a good Xmas & New Year anyway

  • ian.macdougall says:

    Oh, and I nearly forgot. I thoroughly recommend this book.

    Re the Huffpost link: fortunately for my wife and I, none of our real estate is below 200m above sea level; can’t be flooded out. But others might not be so lucky; over whatever timespan.

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