Wentworth Diary

Allegra, Please! Have Some Manners

                                   Ms Spender is eager to receive your txts and questions

There is one room in the house where I refuse to answer my mobile phone, no matter who is calling. I have an uncouth friend, a plumber, who fails to observe a similar etiquette. On occasion I will call him to discuss a critical issue relating to the 40-20 rule or learn the latest Rugby League gossip he has picked up while bench pressing at Spudd’s Gym, but the instant he answers the phone, his exact location is betrayed by the echo of his voice bouncing off tiles.

Even if I am seeking free advice on an urgent personal issue such as a blocked sewer or rattling pipes, I hang up immediately and am tempted to wash both the phone and my hands with a strong disinfectant.

Despite his disgusting habits we remain good friends. I once asked him if there was a single mate of his who had never asked him for free advice on a domestic plumbing issue. He said, no, they all do eventually. I am sure it’s the same for doctors and lawyers.  Writers and journalists are generally free of this burden, having no particularly useful skill to offer.

But I digress. I was reflecting on this as I was in just such a location on Saturday when I received an unsolicited text from my local independent candidate, Allegra Spender. Unfortunately, it is not possible to suspend incoming SMS notifications while on the khazi, so I was forced to deal with this intrusion in parallel with the matter at hand. Remaining seated, I perused the contents of Allegra’s text, in a state of great bewilderment as to why I had been so honoured. It read as follows:

Hi, I’m Allegra Spender. Our businesses, families and future are under threat from a government that is out of touch.

Let’s return to sensible leadership. Text back an issue, like ‘climate’ or ‘economy’, and I’ll share my policy with you.

Given my whereabouts and the nature of the task with which I was presently occupied, I immediately texted back a simple single word issue of concern, ‘Privacy’.

Allegra responded:

Give it another go. Ensure words are spelt correctly and keep it to 1 or 2 words: like ‘independents’, ‘refugees’, ‘women’, ‘LGBTQI+’, ‘health’, or ‘education’.

The first sentence of her reply was immediately helpful, but the second seemed to portray a disturbingly narrow set of priorities for someone seeking to represent me in the Lower House. Once I had moved to a more hygienic location, I took up the invitation to ask Allegra or her robotic minions for her thoughts on solutions for some of the major issues facing the electorate of Wentworth and, indeed, the entire nation.  

‘Energy Prices’, ‘Home Ownership’, ‘Petrol Prices’, and ‘Budget Deficit’ all returned an identical response to my query regarding ‘Privacy’.

Give it another go. etc…

The same result for ‘Superannuation’, ‘School fees’, ‘Childcare’, ‘Wages’. Nada. Zip. Nothing.

A disturbing vacuum at the heart of Ms Spender’s Policy platform was quickly emerging as an area of concern.

I chose to continue peppering Allegra with additional terms, but each one of the following queries on some critical industries received the same unhelpful response, ‘Mining’, ‘Iron Ore’, ‘Construction’, ‘Manufacturing’, ‘Science’, ‘Oil Exploration’. Nothing got a bite.

Deciding to broaden my agenda I eventually got one to take, an inquiry about ‘Agriculture’ received the following illuminating reply:

Valuing diversity is the cornerstone of a successful, prosperous and inclusive multicultural nation. That means respecting LGBTQI people, supporting the social and economic empowerment of our First Nations citizens and welcoming migrants and refugees.

I will help ensure Australians living with disability are fully included in the social and economic fabric of our society, working with the National Disability Support Scheme (NDIS) to achieve positive outcomes and sustainability.

I have more detailed policies in these areas. If you’d like to read them, text back ‘LGBTQI”, ‘Indigenous Australians’, ‘Refugees’ or ‘NDIS’.

How this response would assist somebody operating a combine harvester or running a herd of dairy cattle seemed difficult to imagine.

Allegra’s LGBTQI (with or without a +) fixation was becoming more and more transparent so I decided to text back some relevant terms to gain some more detailed policy perspective: ‘Leather’, ‘Rubber’, ‘Duct tape’, ‘Puppy play’. Not a sausage.

Even mixing and matching some of her priority items failed to achieve an outcome, a query on ‘Gay disabled refugee’ was unsuccessful. I narrowed the query to simply ‘Gay refugee’ and scored a hit.

Our electorate is the proud host of the Sydney Mardi Gras, and the LGBTQI+ community is an essential part of the Wentworth community. I am a firm supporter of the LGBTQI+ community.

I value diversity as the cornerstone of a successful, prosperous and inclusive multicultural nation. I know our community does not want cruel, divisive debates about trans people and I’ll always stand up against transphobia.

I was disappointed that Scott Morrison stood by Katherine Deves, his captain’s pick for Warringah, despite her many divisive comments hostile to the LGBTQI+ community.

How this related to the refugee issue was difficult to see. But given her gratuitous attack on Warringah’s Liberal hopeful, Katherine Deves, I was expecting a comprehensive reply to my follow-up query as to her position on ‘Transgender women athletes’ and ‘Gender dysphoria in children’, but once again, “Give it another go. etc…” was all I got.

Readers keen to quiz Ms Spender on matters
dear to their hearts can try for a straight answer
by texting queries to
0485 824 677

Fine tuning the “gay refugees’ query down to simply “Refugees” evinced a reply, the usual progressive blather about offshore detention and the Murugappan family, but subsequent inquiries about ‘Illegal immigration’ and ‘Boat people’ went unanswered.

If Allegra is successful in unseating Dave Sharma in Wentworth, once in Canberra she may discover she is expected to consider questions other than which float to ride on at Mardi Gras.

Her current policy platform does not appear to show much evidence she is boned up on issues affecting Australians who live beyond the boundaries of her own electorate. Each of the following queries failed to achieve a response: ‘Diesel rebate’, ‘Water supply’, ‘Roads’, ‘New dams’, ‘Mouse plague,’ ‘Feral cats’, ‘dingoes’

However, Allegra is deeply concerned about the ABC.

Australia has some of the most concentrated media in the world, and it’s letting us down. As our national broadcaster, the ABC plays an essential role in supporting a healthy democracy at home and showcasing the best of Australia abroad. This government has consistently undermined the independence of the ABC, cutting its budget by more than half a billion dollars since 2014.

We need to invest in the ABC and the SBS to encourage diverse, quality media. This includes restoring the ABC’s budget, investing in its international and regional reach, and protecting its editorial independence.

A text query on ‘Media bias” received no response.

I decided to move onto issues of faith. There was nothing divisive from Allegra on ‘Abortion’ or ‘Euthanasia’. In fact, there was nothing at all, so I am none the wiser in knowing at which stages she determines that a human life can be snuffed out. From a query regarding Christianity, I learned the following about her:

I do not support the Morrison government’s Religious Discrimination Bill because it tries to privilege certain religious views to the detriment of LGBTQI+ people, women, minority faith communities, and people with disabilities.

I could almost see her avatar performing a massive head tilt as I read this response. I decided to zoom in on one of those minority faith communities Allegra is so concerned about, but a query regarding ‘Islam’ was unsuccessful. Ditto for searches on ‘Arranged marriage’, ‘Genital mutilation’ and ‘Pack rape’.

By now my thumb was growing tried and I had little to show for my SMS back and forth with Allegra and her texting bot. I tried a couple of final searches on terms that have been front of mind for me recently: ‘Solar panels’, ‘Strata plans’ and ‘Hypocrisy’. None were successful. However, I hit paydirt with the term ‘Sea Level Rise’, an issue of huge concern for those who share her burden in owning a chunk of Sydney Harbourside real estate.

As a country blessed with the best renewable energy resources in the world, we should step up as a leader on climate action … Australia is one of the sunniest, windiest countries on Earth. Let’s make Australia the clean energy superpower we always should have been.

This response achieved almost Kamala Harris-level banality, a remarkable achievement for an Ascham dux.

In addition to describing the natural force of the wind, windy is a term that can also be applied to speech or discourse that is lacking substance, or simply flatulent. This seems an appropriate adjective to use in describing Allegra’s SMS policy pronouncements, and, considering where this article began, also provides a suitable note on which to end.

Walter Waverley is the pseudonym of a Wentworth resident who prefers anonymity to grief from his woke neighbours. He promises to continue reporting on electoral developments up to and perhaps after May 21

20 comments
  • DougD

    Walter, are you having a lend of us? Surely an Ascham dux can’t be as vacuous as that. But then, again …

  • terenc5

    A genius in the same class as Turnbull

  • RB

    Zali Steggle corflute signs being unloaded from Porche Macan GTS twin-turbo V8 were today’s standout.

  • IainC

    Given the desperately trite and turgid robot-generated sentences with words seemingly inserted at random chosen from lists of woke terms (Bowie famously used this technique, cutting lines of poems or lyrics, then mixing them up and choosing them at random), and the certainty that Allegra Spender would sound the same, why not just send the robot to Canberra if she wins at a huge cost saving? Who would be able to tell the difference?

  • ianl

    >”Porche Macan GTS twin-turbo V8 …”

    Prefer the 718 Cayman GTS (absolutely beautiful vehicle – sublime) although the Macan GTS will do. But then, I’m not campaigning on a greenie platform.

  • gareththomassport

    Brilliant Walter.
    Thank you for your much needed levity in this most banal campaign.

  • Daffy

    Here’s mine:
    How would a reduction of our CO2 release to zero have any effect on the natural release, of which we are about 0.04%, or the anthropogenic release, of which we are less than 1%.?

  • STD

    Walter on a serious note, it sounds like Allegra’s initial text induced a case of IBCS . I’m pretty sure, by way of the evasive nature of the bot responses that you received , it must have been altogether frustrating and could well be the reason she was made dux.
    I believe DougD’s use of the word vacuous is apt, considering you were found wanting, and on more than one occasion.
    Once again Walter many thanks for doing the hard yards on behalf of all and sundry.
    For future reference maybe putting a block on that number would yield the desired result sooner.

  • padraic

    Another sensible appraisal. I hope you can fit in another one before next Saturday. Some of the robo stuff is juvenile e.g. “….supporting the social and economic empowerment of our First Nations citizens and welcoming migrants and refugees.” What does all this mean? Aborigines can go to school, uni or tech, leave and get a job, play the stockmarket, buy a house, get married and live happily ever after – just like the rest of us. I have not detected a problem with the welcoming of migrants and refugees who arrive through the official channels. Is she endorsing illegal behaviour?
    “Valuing diversity is the cornerstone of a successful, prosperous and inclusive multicultural nation”. I have problems with this one as well. How can a country be “inclusive” and “multicultural” at the same time? Australia is increasingly looking like South Africa in the 80s with its bantustans with the latest gem of having a “First Nations” ambassador – no doubt to complement the issuing of passports. Some foreign power must have put something in our water supply to bring about this woke garbage, or perhaps years of poor education and brainwashing is starting to kick in.

  • Tricone

    The robo stuff is how they come out with press releases stating that Climate Change and Refugees are top on the list of voters’ concerns.
    .
    .
    I’d be interested to see what the proportion of postal and other remote votes is in this election.
    Australia pioneered the Secret Ballot, not flawless but still the best way of eliminating, or at least minimising , intimidation, proxies and personating.
    .
    A named individual goes into a private booth, in a public place alone, and marks a paper.
    Anything else can never be guaranteed secret.
    .
    Upsets that have gone against polling and media certainty – Abbott 2013, Brexit 2016, Trump 2016, Morrison 2019, Boris landslide 2019 – the losing sides on these hate the secret ballot more than anything and have embarked on an underhand campaign, aided by COVID, to pretend that it’s just as good to have a postal vote, where there is no invigilation, no independent proof of who is marking the paper in what circumstances and no control on who is looking over their shoulder to shame them if they vote “wrong”.
    .
    So you can imagine, for example, how a religious or tribal paterfamilias in a Western Sydney electorate or a remote township could exert control over his household.

  • Stephen

    In my pimply youth in Sydney I had a girl friend who was Dux of Ascham every year from kinder to matriculation. She went on the be a prominent Doctor and Hospital administrator. Ascham is a top school and doing well there is no joke. Allegra should deeply reflect on whether her life and her current activities are a good use of the quality education she received.

  • Blair

    “”[How can a country be “inclusive” and “multicultural” at the same time?
    Padraic, I don’t even know what an inclusive nation or country is. In Australia persons under 18 are legally excluded from voting, persons without a driver’s licence are legally excluded from driving on public roads, persons without medical degrees are legally excluded from practising medicine, and there are many more examples of legally sanctioned exclusivity in our society.
    Some cultures exclude adult female members from appearing in public without covering their faces; in most countries, other cultures find this practice offensive. In Australia this exclusion is legally allowed .In some other nations it is not.
    So I guess when public figures talk about “inclusivity” they are talking about certain rights being assigned to some defined groups eg voting rights to all persons over the age of 18 but at the same time all persons under the age of 18 are denied these rights.

  • pgang

    Does she realise she’s white?

  • Ian MacKenzie

    No one should expect substance from the Teals. The thing that gives meaning to their existence is virtue signaling, hence the list of “policies” that Allegra has prepared. The lack of self-awareness and concern for those less well off is staggering. One suspects that this is ideal for a billionaire subsidies trougher to invest in, which explains the Teal’s funding. Vote for the Karens and we’ll all be worse off, except for Simon who’ll be even richer at our expense.

  • Elizabeth Beare

    Walter, I find myself suddenly of much better heart than previously, thanks to your thoughts and commendable activities above. That I might have such as neighbour as you next door in my very own electorate of Wentworth, Walter, unbeknownst to near me, when in the past I have had to suffer poe faced neighbours such as the lamentable Commissioner Triggs and others of her ilk, such a revelation makes me examine my neighbours more closely. Hidden amongst them is indeed a rare gem.

    Sadly, the election will be over when I return to Wentworth’s pleasant harbour shores, but my vote for Daniel Lewkovic of the Liberal Democrat Party lies securely in the vaults now of London’s Australia House awaiting counting for Wentworth.

  • Elizabeth Beare

    Well said about Ascham girls, Stephen. Their descent into wokeness is a sad comment on the nature of the indoctrination, and the lack of analytic means to resist it, that constitutes even the best education today.
    Such wokeness is a new form of religious belief, of virtue signalling, and it is spreading rapidly due to the massive economic rewards to some elites delivered by furtherance of the climate cult.
    It takes a brave young woman to break away from this. Allegra Spender is not that woman.

  • Claude James

    The bigger problem is this:
    The incoming ALP government, in its ignorance and in its anti-Westernist ideology, will allow the CCP to control almost all of what happens in Australia, while pretending that this is not the case.
    Must focus on the main points.

  • Alistair

    Suddenly, I feel sick.

  • pconey71

    Walter, your article really brightened my night!

  • christopher.coney

    on saturday night when victory was nigh, for dear allegra spender
    i poured a drink, or two, or twenty, and decided to go on a bender
    this lady has class, and brains to boot, she’s smarter than us blokes by far
    a ravishing beauty, no one can doubt, her bloke has no need for viagra

    with lights a flashing and dancing girls we soon had filled the spa
    ubered in the lobster, with beaucoup tubs of great foie gras
    on the ABC her voice gripped us as she went on blah blah blah
    this ain’t the last we’ll hear from spender, climate commissar

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