Here’s a bit of free advice for all you aspiring young hucksters: if you’re planning a spot of embezzlement and believe, given the arrogance of youth, that you’ve got your cover story down pat and your backside covered, then you probably need a bit of extra insurance? So here’s the good oil: try to arrange things so that you have the assistance, possibly unknowingly, of a future Prime Minister, preferably a female one. Then, if the muck does hit the fan, the Establishment will be reluctant to pursue you lest your possibly unwitting female accomplice is ensnared.
Sure, police investigations will be launched, but they will go nowhere and fade into obscurity. You, the aspiring pillager of, say, union funds need to have created just enough doubt by virtue of your prominent female associate to see a career-minded walloper think long and hard about digging, really digging and sifting. Mr Plod will be asking himself if an assiduous probe might have a blowback effect on a braid-encrusted future prospects. Chances are your savvy policeman, given his political eye, will think it easier, and far less risky, to leak a few spurious and improbable allegations against, say, a prominent conservative cleric. As for you, young grifter, lock your prominent female associate into your web of deceit by throwing a few bob her way for, I don’t know, house renovations say.
And don’t panic if the Opposition leader goes gunning for your partner in Parliament. That’s just politics and part of the game. They do it to each other all the time, but they’re really members of the same club and, when it comes to the crunch, they have each other’s backs. Overwhelming evidence might come to light and you might even be tempted to cut a deal and rat her out. Resist that impulse!. Trust me, it will never come to court. It would never do for a former PM, particularly a female one, to do time in the slammer. That would put the whole political class in a bad light!
Don’t believe me? Let me give you a real life example: Hilary Clinton. She must be one of the most compromised US presidential candidates ever – the subject of two ongoing FBI investigations — and so flawed that Donald Trump proclaimed during the election campaign that, were he in charge of the US Justice Department, Hilary would be in jail.
Now that he is poised to take charge of the Oval Office and assembling his team we see a far more conciliatory Trump. According to the Wall Street Journal “he is rethinking his call to have a prosecutor investigate Hilary Clinton saying, ‘I don’t want to hurt them. They’re good people.’ ”
True, Mrs Clinton was never president but she was First Lady, a senator and secretary of state, so that definitely puts her in thick with the in-crowd.
All of which leads me to this passing observation: the biggest danger in a Trump presidency is not that he will do what he promised to do. Rather, the danger is that that he won’t. Should he go easy on his bested rival we’ll know that he has morphed into part of the Establishment he railed against just a week or so ago.