Life on Earth #5


Prime Minister Kevin Rudd announced that “Wayne Swan’s hair will be getting greyer and greyer and greyer as we prepare the budget.” He didn’t say anything about his own hair, but said the economy was receding. Barnaby Joyce predicted a hung parliament as Anna Bligh cleaned up in the Queensland election but her opponent Laurence Springborg “regrets not fighting dirtier” according to The Age. W.A. Shadow Attorney-General Jim McGinty wants judges to retire with juries to “help” in getting verdicts. Judge Marcus Einfeld, OA, Australian Living Treasure, has been jailed for three years for telling fibs. He is the first ever judge to be so honoured. Pauline Hanson shed votes­­­ and was stripped of a chance to win the seat of Beaudesert, in Queensland’s hinterland, but she will sue The Sunday Telegraph for publishing photographs that were not of herself. The paper’s editor has apologised. Pauline is not amused. 


While President Barack Obama was making a television and YouTube appeal to Iran, two American warships collided with each other off the coast of that country. It’s unclear whether the crews of both vessels were watching Obama’s speech at the time of the collision. Michelle Obama is planning to grow organic vegetables for her family and staff of the West Wing. President Obama became the first “in office” President to appear on a late night television show. While talking to Dave Letterman he managed to insult Para Olympic competitors by comparing his bowling style to them. Arnold Schwarzenegger, defending the President, said, “Something comes out of your mouth and you say, ‘Oh, I wish I wouldn’t have said that.’” British local government councils are to ban weasel words according to ABC Radio. Such gems as “bench marking” (measuring); “slippage” (delay); and “consensually transparent” (provocative underclothing ?) may be on the way out. 


The Hobart City Council counted angry stallholder’s claims about exorbitant site-fee increases, at the Salamanca Markets, by claiming the council would spend $700,000 on fairy-lights for trees at the famous venue. Malibu neighbours of Bob Dylan have complained of a “smelly toilet” on his property. Dylan is famous for his song “Blowing in the Wind”. Suspected drug dealers threw out $17,000 US in $20 and $100 bills from their speeding vehicle in an attempt to avoid police, chasing them. The flutter-by money caused traffic jams on Interstate 5, near San Diego. Some people handed in the money. The Lambeth Council in the UK released a list of 800 empty properties to squatters, after a Freedom of Information request. In London’s Shoreditch a bomb squad analysed an object for an hour before realising it was a replica of a Monty Python film prop, the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch from the film Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

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