We were wrong

A sincere and hearfelt apology from the Argus.

We were wrong

As a high-quality journal of record. Argus prides itself on the accuracy of its reporting. We therefore wish to apologise to reader Mr J. G. Seedhead of “Evening  Rays” Retirement Village, Burchett Hill, for the misleading impression given by our recent report on the Southern Suburbs Elderly Citizens’ annual golf day in which he participated. Mr Seedhead wishes us to make it clear that, contrary to our account, he is not Australia’s richest woman; that he has never met the Speaker of the House of Representatives, the Rev. Peter Slipper, nor accompanied him on nocturnal excursions to King’s Cross, Sydney; that he is not a refugee from Afghanistan; that he has never been arrested for “upskirting” in shopping malls or any other public or private place; that he is not nor ever has been a “compulsive firebug”, “singlehandedly responsible  for the destruction of hundreds of thousands of hectares of native bushland”;  that he was never Minister for Equal Opportunity & Diversity in Hitler’s war cabinet and subsequently resident in Paraguay; that he was not a pioneering logical positivist and author of Language Without Meaning (Cambridge University Press, 1937); that he was not master of the Costa Concordia at the time of the vessel’s recent mishap or at any other time; that he was not a member of the Kelly Gang nor met his end in the “shoot-out” between that gang and the police at Glenrowan, Victoria, in 1880; that he was not found with Semtex in his underwear while departing from Melbourne airport with Mrs Seedhead on a Seven Nights “South Island Wonderworld” Over-60s Tour to New Zealand; that he does not carry out late-term abortions in his unit at “Evening Rays” nor is he building a nuclear weapons facility there; that he is not a frequent “train surfer”; and that he is not engaged to Senator Bob Brown and planning a spring wedding if appropriate legislation is in place by then. Argus regrets any embarrassment to Mr Seedhead caused by these inaccuracies, which were due to an error of transcription of our reporter’s copy.

Christopher Akehurst blogs at Argus-online