Teenage Vampire

According to a discussion I heard on Radio 4, for many teenage girls a vampire represents the perfect transgressive boyfriend.

My boyfriend is one of the undead,
A ravishing sort of a bloke.
His profession is Government funded;
They bought him his fangs and his cloak.

He’s dark and he’s stark and he’s scary.
In graveyards he’s specially bad.
But the sun coming up makes him starey.
I think it’s all terribly sad.

Him and me are a regular item.
It’s me that he nuzzles and necks.
There’s a lot of girls wish he would bite ’em,
Cos’ they know he’s fantastic at sex.

There are hundreds of blokes who are jealous
And claim he’s a frost and a failure.
Better button your lip, all you fellas,
Or his old Uncle Vlad will impale yer.