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Short Takes XVIII

Alan Gould

Sep 01 2015

15 mins

23/5/00 The ghosts that walk beside us

Today a postcard arrived from Les telling how he has met my army cousin, Richard, during a poetry tour of East Anglia and shared an Indian meal with him.

“I was amused to note less of the army manner in him than I see in your good self,” writes Leslie, who hits a mark with this observation, what mark I’m not sure, but a mark nonetheless.

For in career-soldiering lies what has been the most claimant of my alternate selves. I know there is nothing in me that relishes destroying or mutilating other lives, nor taking wanton risks with my own. But to live days where the hours wear crisp edges, where sharp presence of mind and steadiness of nerve are routinely cultivated, where the focus of my allegiance is clear, these things remain attractive to me and in marked contrast to this life-of-imagining I have actually adopted over four decades, where allegiances are vexed, and crisp outlines for the working day and its duties are perversely…

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