R.J. Stove: Henry V suddenly sees the error of his ways, advocates Brexit, and offers Falstaff a job

Henry V suddenly sees the error of his ways, advocates Brexit, and offers Falstaff a job

I know thee well, old man. You’re in my prayers.
How well white hairs become you fools and jesters!
Come: join my think-tank. Everyone who scares
The pants off normal people—child-molesters,

Lager-louts, geocentrists, Protocols
Adherents, those who’ve never read a book
Save Atlas Shrugged, or think the Dead Sea Scrolls
Are NASA fakes; each psychopathic crook

You can imagine—I want on my team.
The Brexit team. Don’t talk to me of France!
France is for frogs. Though it was once my dream,
I’ve now awoken from my Gallic trance.

Take (please!) my wife. She makes me want to hurl.
Why would I stay with any Valois tart
When every day I meet an English girl
Who speaks my language and who steals my heart?

My son’s a dope. And not a useful one.
Convinced since boyhood of the power of prayer,
He actually believes that tripe. He’ll shun
My observations that it’s just not fair

For God to fill the world with Lesser Breeds
Who, he thinks (and they’re Catholics!), still have souls.
I’ll make God concentrate upon the needs
Of Brits! Especially if they’re online trolls!

Come, Falstaff, come. Europe can go to hell.
We’ll use French au-pairs as our human shields.
We’ll prop up every merchant bank cartel …
And then, of course, we’ll babble of green fields.

R.J. Stove