John Whitworth: North

North

Take me somewhere north of Watford where the hearts are warm and big,

Life is hard but everybody seems as merry as a grig.

Dancing down the rainsoaked cobbles thunderous in wooden clogs,

Straight as dies with massive thighs all wearing L.S. Lowry togs.

On the road to Liverpool, where the Beatles went to school,

And the river makes you shiver when it sparkles like a jool,

On the road to Liverpool where the birds are supercool

But the scousers wear the trousers cos traditional values rule.

Take me somewhere north of Watford stuffed with gutsy alpha males,

Munching on their huge chip butties, swilling quarts of Theakston’s ales.

With their flat caps and their mufflers every bloke is true and good

And their girlies in their curlers make an honest neighbourhood.

On the bumpy road to Leeds I could write you screeds and screeds

Of the yardage of black puddings and the tonnage of mashed swedes,

On the bumpy road to Leeds with their old velocipedes

All the yorkies are united in contempt for lesser breeds.

John Whitworth