Just perfect for Their ABC

david hicksHe doesn’t seem too bright, true, but that hasn’t stopped David Hicks putting his name to a biography, revelling in a standing ovation at the Sydney Writers’ Festival, scoring a nomination for the Queensland Premier’s Literary Award and being feted by people who, even if they knew better, would still be singing the praises of the former jihadi for fear of being out of step with the chardy-swilling latte-soakers at the adjoining and fashionable inner-city table.

Now, according to his lawyer, the US is about to rescind Hicks’ conviction for aiding terrorism and terrorists.

So, with slate wiped clean and nothing on the docket to embarrass potential employers, the sixth-grade dropout may soon be available for gainful employment. And just coincidentally, Radio National has a vacancy to fill, now that Waleed Aly has decamped to Channel 10.

It’s a match made in heaven, minus only the 72 virgins. And if Hicks’ on-the-record delight at rubbing shoulders with Osama bin Laden and shooting at infidel Indians is not enough to recommend him to the national broadcaster, he could always get a few bonus points with ABC job interviewers by offering to marry any unattached female staffers, the nuptial couch being a time-honoured route to landing a nice taxpayer-funded gig.

Indeed, Hicks could marry four of themsimultaneously, an amorous efficiency that might also restrict those domestic carbon emissions which so worry ABC types.

So what about it, Mark Scott? Here’s your chance to play programmer and matchmaker in the same breath.

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