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Things must be really crook in Fairfax newsrooms just at the moment, where it seems resources are stretched so thin that good stories are going begging. Take “good stories” to mean the sort that get twentysomethings with journalism degrees very, very excited — global warming, misogyny, the latest fashions in bicycle seats and constant updates on what fellow nitwits have been saying on Twitter. If you have seen The Age lately, other than in large, bound stacks of unsold copies outside newsagencies, you will get the idea.
Well yesterday, apparently, the news list was just too long to be adequately covered.
The Prime Minister had been observed drinking a beer in the company of other men, so that took reporter Judith Ireland out of the work pool for the day, as she had to explain why this spectacle must be viewed as Tony Abbott’s tacit endorsement of binge drinking and violence against women. Yes, seriously. It seems no additional staffers were available to record that beers consumed by previous PMs, Julia Gillard and Kevin Rudd amongst them, did not prompt waves of refugees from domestic violence flooding shelters and the set of Q&A.
Then there was the opinion page, where a crack team of editors had to prepare the contribution of a climate researcher, Matt King, who says the Antarctic is melting and we’re all in terrible trouble if further research isn’t encouraged as a matter of urgency. The layman might wonder how much additional climate-change research one man can perform, as Dr King’s career has seen some $4million dollars worth of grants so far . Indeed, what else could possibly remain to be learned or reported, as the West Antarctic Ice Shelf has been threatening humanity with wet ankles since 1999. Still, as Age editors must have concluded, the case for reporting old news as fresh is overwhelming if it can be illustrated by artwork demonstrating Tony Abbott’s complicity in drowning the world (above) — after he has finished encouraging wife-beaters and adolescent alcoholics, presumably.
Well all of that must have been too much for the Age‘s pool of available manpower because it missed reporting the biggest and most astonishing story of the day: Climate change will see the world overrun by bigger and faster spiders. The shocking news is based on research that subjected spiders to a series of temperature increases. The bone of consolation, however, is that they grow more clumsy as the mercury rises, meaning many will probably trip and drown in that rising tide of Antarctic meltwater.
Sooner of later the Age will report on the coming spider scourge, no doubt about it — once it has recruited yet another junior journo from finger-painting classes to explain why Abbott yearns to see small children eaten alive by redbacks and funnelwebs.
The young Ms Ireland’s profound thoughts on what a PM drinking beer means to battered women can be read in full via the link below.
