Welcome to Quadrant Online | Login/ Register Cart (0) $0 View Cart
Menu
November 03rd 2016 print

Michael Copeman

President Hillary’s First Year

Our resident soothsayer has examined the entrails of the US presidential campaign, now in its final days, and laid out his prophecies. While some might seem highly unlikely, there can be no doubt the Clinton Foundation's coffers will swell mightily

clinton cashBarring the FBI’s various and ongoing investigations, the US seems likely to elect its first female President next week.  What do deplorable basket-case right-wingers have to look forward to, should Republican contender Donald Trump’s last-minute firming in the polls prove stillborn? Let’s peer into the crystal ball.

January’s inaugural speech will begin with the sound of tinkling as the glass ceiling finally shatters and disintegrates, showering the assembled glitterati with extra sparkle.  Ms Clinton will likely say she will strive to be a President for all Americans, especially transgender Islamists and anyone else who contributes generously to the Clinton Foundation.

By February she will be back in her snowy hometown of Chicago to lay a foundation stone for the city’s new desalination plant, which the Windy City doesn’t actually need as it is located on the shores of Lake Michigan. But that doesn’t mean much in Cook County, where public works projects and budgets have always been regarded as the treasury of the connected. Why, even grandmas get in on the act!

In March, Hillary hits Laredo, on the Mexican border, to open her fast-track, solar-powered mass immigration travelator, installed across the Rio Grande to safely bring in ten of thousands of new Americans per hour.  “As racist imperialists stole Texas in the first place, the day has come never again to vex a Mex.” The new arrivals will be added to the electoral rolls without delay, especially in congressional districts now occupied by Republicans.

In early April, she will personally greet walkers in the Million Grandma March in Washington. Hubby Bill will welcome many of the assembled grannies with warm and enthusiastic hugs — mostly, but not exclusively, of the non-staining variety.

Come May, Hillary will be in Nevada to pull the plug on the no-longer-mighty mighty Hoover Dam.  As she presses the button to demolish the dam wall, Hillary asks “Who are we to stop this mighty river from doing as Gaia intended?”  Later that day, in order to re-assure Las Vegas residents that their city will still light the night with its neon incandesence now that the hydro power is no more, she opens the nation’s first urine-powered turbine.

In June, Hillary visits US troops as they leave Germany to make way for the new Islamist peace-keeping force.  “Ich bin eine halal Frankfurter!”  she says to thunderous applause. Mysteriously large sums, denominated in Gulf State petro dollars, pour into the Clinton Foundation’s coffers. The only down note comes when she regrets daughter Chelsea will be unable to attend New Year’s revelries at Cologne Station, but nevertheless wishes all participants the very best for that celebration of multicultural enrichment.

Come the 4th of July, Hillary sets off the fireworks display at the Statue of Liberty and recalls the indignities visited upon the Founding Fathers by their British masters, who expected the colonists to make some contribution toward the cost of protecting them them from Indians to the west and the French to the north. Rather than taxes, London should have sent regular welfare payments to Boston and other locales, thereby encouraging the locals to set aside concepts of enterprise and initiative. “This is and always will be the purpose of government,” she explains.

In the heat of August, she arrives in California’s sizzling Silicon Valley to announce her keystone initiative.  “I promised I would create new jobs, and today I keep that promise,”  she says, bringing from her pocket vials containing frozen embryos imbued with the cloned DNA of Steve Jobs.  “Here are the new Jobs that I am creating.”.

As American children return to school in the cooler breezes of September, Hillary joins a kindergarten class in Arkansas, where she was once the Governor’s wife.  “As I once wrote, it takes a village to raise a child.  But here in Arkansas it often takes three different step-dads, a stand-in grandmother and the local child protection officer.”

In October, Hillary flies direct to Pyongyang to meet North Korean dictator Kim one-to-one.  She brings Oprah with her, and they dance Gangnam style on Air Force One. Sadly, the Korean dictator is too busy throwing missiles in the general direction of Japan, so Oprah, Ellen and Hillary divert to Bangkok for an impromptu seminar on sexism and the gender pay gap, “the most pressing problem facing the world today.” Bill enjoys the trip and observes that “some of those lady boys aren’t so bad when you get to know them.”

By late November, Hillary is ready to light up the Christmas tree on the front lawn of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Bill offers to play Santa and explains that is why he was observed wwith several nubile interns on his knee.

In December, Hillary and Bill fly to spend Christmas quietly on their favourite beach at Port Douglas.  In a whistle-stop speech at Cairns airport, Hillary declares, “Bill and I love Australians.  We couldn’t think of any people or place better to spend the Festive Season.” On their way home they are gratified to learn that the Australian government has poured yet additional hundreds of millions of dollars into the Clinton Foundation.

Hillary promises to keep Julia Gillard too busy overseas to fly home. The crowd cheers lustily.

Comments [3]

  1. en passant says:

    My apologies for repeating my post from the previous article, but it is actually more appropriate for this one.

    http://quadrant.org.au/magazine/2016/11/battlers-system/

    “Today, November 3rd, Hillary was declared the 45th President of the USA as she has won 99% of the pre-voting day votes amounting to 51% of the castable votes and giving her 390 Electoral College votes. Donald Trump has been arrested on charges of treason and is expected to be executed before November, 8th as a precaution. President Obama issues ‘Get Out of Gaol Free’ pardon for the good of the nation so she can be inaugurated. Bill appointed Secretary of the Treasury AND Justice and sends out price list for pardons and indulgences.

    You heard it here first …

    So, this is the good news Ianl that the cabal and covens want to hear. Yes, let’s forget the dead, after all ‘what do they matter anymore’?

    This was my Quadrant comment last July. Note that there is much that could be added since then, but this is apparently what Ianl, Jody and the American voting public want. As a devout atheist, all I can say is god help western civilisation …

    “Trump does not have ALL the answers therefore the Americans should be very careful when choosing whether or not they should vote for him.
    Extending this logic the voters should then vote for Clinton based on:
    1. She has NO answers – a blank page with no black marks, just many blots.
    2. SHE is not a HE, so that scores brownie points with the mediascum.
    3. HELLary has not been convicted of:
    a. Bribery & fraud with the sham ‘Clinton Foundation’,
    b. Having blood on her hands over the sacrifice of good men in Benghazi,
    c. Lying over Benghazi and everything to do with islam & terrorism
    d. Breaking security laws by using a personal unsecured server for classified emails,
    e. Scrubbing the said server and passing classified emails to her lawyers (who did not have the Security Clearance to receive or read them,
    f. Whitewater Fraud that possibly lead to a suicide or murder,
    g. Starting an illegal and unauthorised war in Libya,
    h. Selling Uranium to the Russians through a crony for huge profits and a donation to (you guessed it) the ‘Clinton Foundation’ Bank Account.
    i. Lying to coal miners that their loss of a livelihood is just a misunderstanding,
    j. Lying about her ‘combat experience’ at Kosovo(?) airport where she had to ‘run for cover’. Highly paid News Anchors have lost their jobs for fabrications like that (but in Oz we elect such tall tale telling ‘heroes’ to Parliament),
    k. Showing what a feminist woman she is by sticking with Bill despite his ‘never having had sex with that woman’.
    l. Being the architect of Obamacare – the worst and most destructive social policy in US history,
    m. Lying to Congress, lying about her classified emails, lying about lying … endlessly and congenitally,
    n. and on … and on … until the alphabet (or several alphabets) run out.
    4. Running a dishonest smear campaign against both Donald Trump AND Bernie Sanders. The DNC Campaign Manager has been exposed and has had to resign

    Yes, American voters, be very, verrrry careful when considering who you will vote for as the next President.

    At least if you (and lots of dead people) place a vote for Hilarity you know exactly what you are getting … but Trump is a risk.”

    • ianl says:

      > this is the good news Ianl that the cabal and covens want to hear …

      To repeat, I sardonically predict HRC will win. Such a prediction does not imply I want that to happen.

      As before, I enjoy disagreement, not dishonest disagreement. Hysteria rising … from both sides.

    • Doc S says:

      An accurate and comprehensive list but you left out one teensy little bit: the Muslim Brotherhood will now have an agent ‘of access and influence’ in the Oval Office with Killary’s closest advisor and all-round BFF ‘she’s like a daughter to me’ (sorry Chelsea!) Huma Abedin. The MB plan for 5th column infiltration of the US government will be pretty much complete but on the plus side Huma has this great idea for putting all that pesky Whitehouse email traffic on a private server which has none of that annoying classified security and will just be SO much easier for a busy lady like Madam President to handle!