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February 09th 2012 print

Philippa Martyr

The Slipper trajectory

Being the life and times of Peter Slipper.

4-5 February 2012: The Weekend Australian publishes details of Peter Slipper’s Cabcharge account in September 2009, detailing several trips to King’s Cross and Taylor Square. 

7 February 2012: Peter Slipper announces that he wishes to revive the traditional Speaker’s robes and regalia, including wig and lace accessories.

8 February 2012: Peter Slipper announces that he will embark on a weekly procession through Parliament House, so that more visitors can see his parade. The former Liberal MP announced his plans to introduce a new parade through Parliament House – an approach usually reserved for formal occasions – via a statement from his office.

3 April 2012: Peter Slipper announces inaugural House of Representatives Easter Bonnet parade. Members will be awarded a one-off grant for the purchase of suitable craft materials to make their own bonnets, which they will wear during sittings in the Easter season. A small prize will be awarded for the Most Fetching Bonnet Worn by an Australian Prime Minister.

17 July 2012: Peter Slipper announces that he has been approached to appear on the 2013 series of Dancing With the Stars. He insists that he will only appear if allowed to wear his Speaker’s wig and robes, and only if Todd McKenny promises not to say anything mean about him.

20 October 2012: Peter Slipper appears on the front cover of Australian Women’s Weekly in wig and Speaker’s robe. Headline: ‘At home with the Slippers – a very private Speaker’.

1 December 2012: Peter Slipper announces that 1 December, the anniversary of his first election to the seat of Fisher, will henceforth be known as ‘Peter Slipper Day’ in his electorate. His office premises are subsequently pelted with an assortment of rotten produce and farmyard ordure.

30 January 2013: Peter Slipper announces that henceforth he will be carried into the House of Representatives in a gold sedan chair, preceded by page boys with large ostrich-feather fans.

2 February 2013: Peter Slipper announces plans for a giant mausoleum to be constructed on the front lawn of Parliament House to accommodate his mortal remains once his full apotheosis is completed. Funding for this project has already been allocated from the Building Education Revolution funding and will encompass the area currently occupied by the Aboriginal Tent Embassy.

3 February 2013: Peter Slipper announces (via YouTube from an undisclosed location) that he will be taking a long rest.