It’s rather hard to know how to go about reviewing a film like The A-Team. So after careful deliberation, I’ve decided to take the scientific approach.
Below you will find my personally-developed brief psychometric evaluation tool which you can use to assess whether you are capable of enjoying this film, or whether you might be better off doing something else with your time.
Award yourself one point for each tick.
1. Are you willing to:
__ believe a tank can fly?
__ watch a German financial district get shot up?
__ think Liam Neeson would be ideally cast in a role originally played by George Peppard?
__ not try too hard to follow this movie’s plot?
2. Is it reasonable to expect that:
__ a manned tank which falls from a plane at high altitude and then crashes into a Swiss lake could then be driven out of said lake without it or its occupants suffering any obvious ill-effects?
__ a two-hour movie could have a sluggish start but then really pick up pace and become quite good fun?
__ female characters should be fully dressed at all times?
__ everyone from the joint Chiefs of Staff downward is a treacherous bastard, except the A-Team?
3. Finally, would you say that you:
__ Pity the fool?
__ Love it when a plan comes together?
0-5: I understand there’s a Fellini festival on at your local arthouse cinema tonight.
6-8: Your other cinema options this evening are Shrek 4, Toy Story 3 or Sex in the City 2, so bite down.
8-10: Oh, you big kid! I bet you even remember that TV episode with Boy George in it.