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July 20th 2009 print

Michael Connor

PM plans to retire

Prime Minister Rudd offers intimate details of his personal super scheme - which he has kept “secret within myself and my partner” - and reveals his retirement plans.

These are exciting times.

Quadrant Online has received its second letter from Prime Minister Rudd.

This time he offers intimate details of his personal super scheme – which he has kept “secret within myself and my partner” – and reveals his retirement plans.

Naturally, he does not sign his real name, but who could mistake the prose that has thrilled a nation since 2007? 

Subject: Waiting for your reply

FROM SIR MIKE ESSAI (JP).
AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING UNIT.
FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPT.
BANK OF AFRICA  Benin S.A
Cotonou-Benin.

STRICTLY MIKE ESSAI  

I am SIR MIKE ESSAI (JP), the Director in charge
of auditing and accounting section of BANK OF AFRICA  Benin
S.A in west Africa. 

I have decided to contact you on a business
transaction that will be very beneficial to both of us
at the end of the transaction. 

During our investigation and audting in this bank, my
department came across a very huge sum of money
belonging to a deceased person who died on August 2003
in a plane crash and the fund has been dormant in his
account with this bank without any claim of the fund
in our custody either from his family or relation
before our discovery to this development. 

Although personally, I kept this information secret
within myself and my partner
to enable the whole plans
and idea be pofitable and successful during the time
of execution.The said amount was USD$18.5 m (Eighteen
million five hundred Thousand united states dollars).

I am glad to say that with the introduction of
internet and website, I was opportuned and pleasured to
have come across your contact through this satellite
media.All the adverts and news media in your website
is what interest me most to contact you on this very
issue,as it may intrest you to know. 

Meanwhile all the whole arrangement to put claim over
this fund as the bonafide next of kin to the deceased,
get the required approval and transfer this money to a
foriegn account has been put in place and directives
and needed information will be relayed to you as soon
as you indicate your interest and willingness to
assist us and also benefit your self to this great
business opportunity. 

In fact I could have done this deal alone but because
of my position in this country as a civil servant, we
are not allowed to operate a foriegn account and would
eventually raise an eye brow on my side during the
time of transfer because, I work in this bank. 

This is the actual reason why it will require a second
party or fellow who will forward claims as the next of
kin with affidavit of trust of Oath to this bank and
also present a foriegn account where he will need the
money to be retransfered into on his request as it may
be after due verification and clarification by
designation bank account.

I will not fail to inform you that this transaction is
100% risk free.
 

On smooth conclusion of this transaction, you will be
entitiled to 30% of the total sum as gratification,
while 10% will be set aside to take care of expenses
that may arise during the time of transfer both local
and international like telephone bills,e-mail bills
include the documents fees, while 60% will be for me
and my partner

Please, you have been adviced to keep top secret as we
are still in service and intend to retire from service
after we conclude this deal with you

I will be monitoring the whole situation here in this
bank until you confirm the money in your account and
ask us to come down to your country for subsequent
sharing of the fund according to percentages
previously indicated and further investment, either in
your country or any country you advice us to invest
in. 

All other necessary information will be sent to you
when I hear from you.I suggest you get back to me as
soon as possible stating your wish in this deal.

Yours faithfully,

SIR MIKE ESSAI (JP)

[Ed: Possible anagram for Rudd PM? Needs to be checked]