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March 16th 2009 print

Michael Connor

The ASIO Tapes – Madame Alissa

Madame Alissa is a high priced clairvoyant in Fortitude Valley with an unlisted business number and an influential clientele of political leaders.

ASIO TELEPHONE SURVEILLANCE TAPES
(UNEDITED – WARNING LANGUAGE):

MADAME ALISSA: Well goodbye Warwick, take especial care on days ending with "y".

(Madame Alissa hangs up but almost immediately the phone rings again.)

MADAME ALISSA: Hello?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE VOICE: Ching chong.

MADAME ALISSA: Who is this, please?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE VOICE: Ching shit chong.

MADAME ALISSA: Oh, hello Prime Minister. What? You’re calling from the White House bedroom? The Lincoln Room? That’s nice.

IDENTIFIED MALE VOICE: Chong chong.

MADAME ALISSA: And you are as tall as President Obama? And he doesn’t think you look like a dentist? That is nice.

IDENTIFIED MALE VOICE: Chong ching?

MADAME ALISSA:  Of course, Prime Minister. I have your horoscope prepared. I see a tall dark stranger …

IDENTIFIED MALE VOICE: Chong ching?

MADAME ALISSA: Very certainly. It could well be a new valet. Where was I. The year is 2012 and I see you and Mrs Rudd living in New York with a valet – and a butler …

IDENTIFIED MALE VOICE: Chong ching?

MADAME ALISSA: Well there is water. I suppose it could be the East River. In fact, it almost certainly is the East River.

IDENTIFIED MALE VOICE: (sigh)

MADAME ALISSA: Briefly, Prime Minister, in 2012 you will be in New York occupying a very high international position.

IDENTIFIED MALE VOICE:  Chong chings?

MADAME ALISSA: Yes, the voters will still be paying your bills.

IDENTIFIED MALE VOICE: (giggles) Ching chong.

MADAME ALISSA: And goodbye to you, Prime Minister. Until tomorrow.