Michael Connor

Titanic Inc. buys Gitmo franchise

With emotion, though speaking falteringly in English, Kevin Rudd, the CEO of Titanic Inc, announced that the company has successfully purchased the franchise for Gitmo detonators in the Australasian region.

With emotion, though speaking falteringly in English, Kevin Rudd, the CEO of Titanic Inc, announced that the company has successfully purchased the franchise for Gitmo detonators in the Australasian region.

Relocated Gitmo staff, from the Cuban head office, will be personally greeted by Mr Rudd at an afternoon tea at the Australian War Memorial.

The Canberra celebrations will mark the opening of week long Welcome to Your New Homeland festivities. By a fortuitus coincidence this will occur at the same time as Jihad Week is celebrated nationally.

“My friend Barack,” said Mr Rudd, “suggested the purchase and Titanic Inc was only too happy to co-operate. We thought the relocated staff would make good friends for David.”

The festivities will include Terrorist Parades, Martyr Rallies, civic receptions in Melbourne and Sydney, and regular broadcasting by SBS and the ABC.

UPDATE: Speaking fluently, in English, Vice CEO-for-life Julia Gillard said the report that Titanic Inc had bought the Gitmo franchise was erroneous. “Mr Rudd’s words were mistranslated,” said Miss Gillard sternly. Mr Rudd, enjoying a well deserved break at his holiday home in Peking, could not be contacted for a comment. David looked unhappy.

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