Michael Connor

At the Movies with Blecker and Nun

For years and years and years Blecker and Nun have bored their way through weakly [sic] TV programs of film criticism. It is even suspected that beneath the desiccated features, carefully preserved in studio makeup, their hearts and brains long ago ceased functioning – only their canned voices remain.

Voice over: At the Movies with Blecker and Nun.

Blecker: Hello viewers, I’m Blecker.

Nun: And I’m Nun.

Blecker: Tonight we’re looking at the new Coen brothers film More Old Men Dying Violently But Poetically When You Least Expect It.

Nun: A cinematic essay by the Coen brothers of blood, Leonard Cohen music, saintly though creepy Black actors, white misfits and blood.

Blecker: An homage noir to Barack Obama updating Cold War paranoia and sure to annoy conservative critics.

Nun: Oh, did you think so? Though the narration was superb and the scriptwriting ornate I found it pretentious and slightly unnerving.

Blecker: Just the way some viewers describe you – Nun.

Nun: When the old, old man was decapitated by the chain saw, run over by the locomotive in the prairie and his remains were eaten by coyotes I thought of you – Blecker.

Blecker: And how many stars, Nun?

Nun: For the decapitation scene alone four and a half.

Blecker: I thought it was unduly and excessively violent, the language was obscene and rude, the violence gratuitous and unnecessary. I also gave it four and a half stars.

Nun: So until next week, when we look at another five star masterpiece from the Australian film charity trust, goodbye from me.

Blecker: And goodbye from me.

End titles, theme music, gunshots.

WARNING: Blecker and Nun are the ghosts who walk. They will be back.

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